Personal spaces in public places
One thing we all do is “mark” our space or territory. That “mark” indicates to others that the space belongs to us and not someone else. It is what is known as saving or marking our Personal Space to make it ours.
In our offices we use pictures, plaques, books—all sorts of items to indicate that this space is mine. At a meeting we might put a portfolio, papers, coffee mug, pens—anything to show that the space we are sitting at and possibly one next to us is “occupied” to keep other people from sitting in our seat or the one next to us. These are just a couple of examples of how we use items to define to claim our space.
I recently saw an amazing example of someone marking their space and keeping it in a highly unlikely situation.
As anyone knows who rides on a rush-hour commuter train, seats become very hard to find the closer you come to the main destination. On some trains, there are single seats on the upstairs level that fill up early because no one can sit on either side of you.
On a recent, very crowded train, a woman was sitting in one of the single seats. She had several items of clothing as well as 3 bags around her. She decided to get up and leave the seat and was gone through four or five stops. However, she left the items of clothing and the bags at the seat. She had the items pushed away from the aisle so they were not visible from the stairs or aisle below.
At every stop, as people got on, someone would spot what looked like an empty seat, climb the stairs, and walk to the seat. The looks on their faces when they reached the seat, only to see the bags and items of clothing, were very interesting. Some people looked confused. Others looked a bit angry. One person stood staring at the seat as though he was thinking about moving the woman’s belongings so he could sit there.
In every case, the person eventually climbed back down the stairs to look for another seat.
I never would have thought someone would succeed in “holding” an empty seat on a very crowded train!
Escalator Etiquette
I think we need to have Escalator Etiquette Classes!! We have all kinds of other etiquette classes, why not for escalators?
Recently I was going down on the escalator at Union Station. Right in front of me was a large woman with an equally large suitcase and carry-bag. When she reached the bottom of the escalator, she stopped dead in her tracks. Unfortunately there was genuinely no room for me or the person behind me to get off the escalator! I realized I was about to fall on her or her bag as I had no place to go.
Fortunately, one of the Metra conductors happened to be watching and realized we were about to have a terrible collision with lots of falling bodies and injuries. He quickly stepped forward and gave me his arm so he could lift me over the lady’s bag. Then he did the same for the person behind me. The most amazing part of it all is that the large woman with the suitcase never realized she almost had people crashing down on her.
All she needed to do was move one or two steps off to the side and everything would have been fine.
Upon hearing about my narrow escape, a friend told me that last week she was at Midway when a woman and her daughter, along with their bags, stood at the top of the escalator, blocking everyone’s way down to the baggage claim.
As my friend walked around them, the woman and her daughter glared at my friend as though she was the one being rude!
The top or the bottom of an escalator is no place to just stop!! Etiquette, not to mention common sense, would say move off to the side so others can safely use the escalator.
Wisdom can come from the most unexpected places!
Wisdom can come from the most unexpected places!
Upon hearing that his father had not received an expected promotion, an eleven-year-old boy said: “Dad, not all the guys picked for the soccer team are the best players.”
How true that is, no matter where it occurs! A person may be the best in their field but if their communication skills, professional image, relationship-building skills, among others, are lacking or not as good as a potential competitor’s, they may find themselves not moving ahead: not being “selected for the soccer team.”
In this highly competitive economy, each aspect of a person’s image can have an immense impact. Be sure yours is as good as it can be! Visit our website for information on other areas valued in moving ahead in companies today.
We all know that as kids, boys and girls communicate very differently. Boys roughhouse, make imaginary guns out of anything they can, and compete with each other to make gross noises; while many girls prefer to play with dolls, clothes and role-playing games.
In the professional world, these gender differences are still obvious. No matter how much men dislike each other, they can work together to promote the business, make deals or anything else related to work. In most instances, they are able to compartmentalize work from friendship. Women, on the other hand, often find it difficult to work with each other when the relationship is not friendly.
Nowhere was this more evident than on recent episodes of Celebrity Apprentice. Although the men didn’t get along all that well, they managed to work together and win most of the challenges. It was only toward the end that they finally had a big blow-up.
Meanwhile, Nene Leaks, LaToya Jackson and Star Jones went at each other almost every week. The women’s team continued to lose – they couldn’t work successfully together due to the internal strife.
Maybe this is one of the reasons women still don’t get ahead as fast as men. After all, in most companies there are men in leadership positions.
What’s your observation?
On the Sunday, April 17, episode of Extreme Makeover, Home Edition we saw a wonderful example of how all communication, what we say and what we do, is affected by attitude!
Carl Hall and his family in 2010
Carl Hall suffered a broken neck in 2010 in a car rollover. (See my previous blog post.) For most of us, that would have caused us to communicate our dismay in any number of ways: being bitter, angry, depressed, to name a few. Many people would have given up trying and few would blame a person for doing so.
Carl’s positive attitude, on the other hand, was something to see and hear! Early in the program, he mentioned, “When you have lemons, you gotta make lemonade. I love lemonade.” That attitude was clear throughout.
At one point, he was talking to some athletes he had coached before the accident and lifted his arm to show them how high he could get it. (Higher than was expected at that point in time.)
Although it would take him hours to get ready in the morning, he didn’t complain. He simply did it.
Yes, we communicate not only by what we say but what we do as well. And no matter how we communicate, we are showing our attitude toward what we say and/or do. As one of Carl’s neighbors said, “A positive attitude will get you much further than a negative one.”
We communicate by what we do
We know we communicate when we speak. We often forget that we communicate by what we do as well.
Teresa and Chuck Bartels recently gave an excellent example of how strongly we communicate by what we do. In 2010, Teresa’s brother Carl Hall suffered a broken neck in a rollover car accident. This year, Carl and his family had a home built for them by Extreme Makeover, Home Edition.
Carl Hall and his family in 2010
Here’s where the “you communicate by what you do” comes in. In the week of building the home (and Chuck emphasized that it really does get done in only one week!), at least 2,000 (two THOUSAND, as Chuck put it) people volunteered. In addition, most of the subs working for the lead builder were volunteers as well. Each of these people spent 16-hour days building a home for Carl!
If you would like to see the show where the more than 2,000 people gave their time and expertise to communicate a caring for someone else, tune in to ABC on Sunday, April 17 at 7:00 pm Central time and 8:00 elsewhere.
Giving a good speech – what NOT to do
We always get all kinds of tips on how to give a good speech so this time I’d like to give a couple of tips on what NOT to do.
I recently heard a speaker talk about a famous person she met a couple of times. While she didn’t know the famous person very well, she apparently knew a couple of the person’s friends quite well. Unfortunately I was never able to follow the speech or understand her point, as I was not familiar with the friends. I had no idea to whom the speaker was referring or why they were important.
When speaking about people, places or things the audience may not be familiar with, it’s always a good idea to spend some time at the beginning of the speech setting the stage and “introducing” the unknown to the audience. That way the audience can easily follow what is being talked about and can enjoy the speech.
A client of mine mentioned he heard a speaker who goofed during the speech. My client asked if it was a good idea to apologize for the goofs as they occurred. My client asked because he said he was uncomfortable when the speaker apologized.
If you’ve ever taken music lessons, you know the teachers always say, “If you make a mistake, keep going. Most people won’t even notice. Don’t start over or replay the part you goofed. That just calls attention to the error.”
The same is true when speaking. If you goof, keep on going. Most people in the audience will never notice!
